I am currently organizing a team of kids who are interested in educating other students and teachers in the public school system about the “behind the scenes” bullying that occurs.

So much of the bullying, as many know, is online now through avenues such as twitter, facebook, and Instagram. Unfortunately, teachers, school staff, and parents have so much responsibility already that they are unable to stop the bullying that occurs off campus.

Bullying is incredibly destructive to a child’s ego, over all self-esteem and functioning. Bullies, since many are bullied themselves, have no understanding of the effects it has on a child’s life. They are acting out instead of feeling the negative effects.

I was appalled to hear recently that there are many websites out there that young men and women use to post naked pictures of their exes online to bash them publicly. Many girls, not just girls, but many more girls are encouraged to send naked pictures of themselves to boys and then they are publicly scrutinized. Rumors spread fast and their reputation is forever damaged. This type of bullying triggers intense feelings of shame and embarrassment, and suicidality. The worst part about it is there is little if any consequence to the bully/violator/perpetrator. Sometimes the person or victim sending the naked photos is actually the one legally punished. Many say that it’s the person’s fault for sending the pictures, but for a teenage girl or boy who is already more impulsive than an adult, who is struggling with self–esteem issues, needing attention, and wanting to please in order get affection, it is very counterproductive to say it is their fault for sending pictures in the first place. This was highlighted recently by the Jennifer Lawrence incident in which naked photos and films were shown of her online. She did a wonderful job advocating for herself.

Offline, there still continues to be sexual harassment and verbal abuse that is unnoticed. Some people are so desensitized to abuse that they don’t even know how to recognize it. Thus many minimize it and don’t know how to teach kids how to effectively stop other students from doing it. Much intervention is needed to stop bullying on a micro and macro level.

One of the most effective ways of stopping future behaviors from occurring is to provide tons of psycho- education regarding the issue.  Many teens and children have come to me seeking counsel from being bullied.  I hear time and time again, even though there is so much “stop bullying” advocacy out there, that the bulling is often ignored and dismissed as being normal and for them to “get over it”. But I see firsthand the devastating effects in functioning it has on a child’s life. Many kids don’t tell anyone because of shame, thus no one knows why their child or student is suddenly avoiding school or exhibiting mental health symptoms. Again, I want to reiterate that many many children and teenagers do not divulge to their parents and to teachers what goes on behind the scenes as they are worried about getting punished or shamed.

One case in particular, after 1 year of therapy, finally told her therapist, even though assessment questions were asked during early periods of treatment, that she sent naked pictures of herself. The pictures were then shown all over a college campus by someone she trusted. She was called a slut, excluded from social groups, and sexually harassed by others. Even girls were lethal in their comments towards this girl, calling her an attention whore online and ruining her reputation with everyone they knew. This triggered a spiraling effect of trauma, anxiety, avoidance, and multiple psychiatric interventions. She withheld what had happened from everyone fearing that it was her fault.

Teens have come to me wanting to help other children and schools understand the “behind the scenes” bullying that occurs. Thus we are forming big group to institute this education. Kids are the best ones to educate us about relevant issues.

Please contact me if you are interested in joining our “stop bullying for real” team.